#139 Can you define obligation in such a way that it doesn't mean I actually have to do something?

 

#138 We never did find out what continent he was logging in from.

 

#137 Why tabbers prefer to work apart

 

Overheard in the tab room[*]

 

“I wish I had a nickel for every time you’ve brought up frozen Finnish penises...”
 
“I’ve never been to any karaoke, gay or otherwise. “
 
“The guy running the judge lounge had to leave because of mice in the coconut sugar.”
 
“One of the virtual speech judges appears to be naked.”
 
“You deleted WHAT???”

 

---

[*] All guaranteed genuine and verbatim, although perhaps slightly edited one way or the other, following the NSDA rules on PF paraphrasing. Caesar’s wife we ain’t.

#136 I say it's spinach, and I say the hell with it.

 

#135 `If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, `you wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's him.'

 

#134 Hello! My name is...something or other.

 

#133 We would just stuff them with donuts, hand them a pen, and point them toward the rooms.

 

#132 Breaking (Fake) News!

 Special Advisory from the NSDA Regarding Speaker Points, 2/7/22

In an effort to get all debate judges on the same page, we suggest the following guidelines.

Use 10ths of points

29.5-30: We will be using some of the DNA we collected during your last covid test to repopulate the earth with your clones after global warming decimates most of the planet. You are the human race’s last, best hope. 

 

29.1-29.4: You are the Beyonce of debate. Or maybe the Elvis of debate. Or the Japhet McDermott, this kid I went to grammar school with who had a really great voice until one day he just didn’t anymore. 

28.8-29.0: You made me almost want to pay attention to what you were saying.

28.3-28.7: You were okay, but you could improve. Also, you might want to run the correct resolution next time. 

27.8-28.2: You left something to be desired. This something was elusive, ineffable, evanescent—in other words, a little less than pellucid. Capisce?

27.3-27.7: Have you been listening to Joe Rogan podcasts? Neil Young would not approve.

27.0-27.2: You missed a number of important points throughout the round, and your mother dresses you funny. 

26.0-26.9: You were totally unprepared. I would have put a fork in you, but you simply weren’t done.

Below 26: You were offensive, ignorant, rude, or tried to cheat. While this makes you an excellent candidate for Congress, it is not advisable at debate tournaments. 

 

 

#131 And your point is?

 

#130 We had to debate five miles uphill in the snow. Both ways.

 

#129 Not counting Fox Newz, of course

 

#128 Viva Las Vegan!

 

#127 Well, they are both food related.